No Pain, No Gain

This week on ELLLO, Mike gives us advice on how to get in shape. Compare Mike's workout with this workout from Vera De Milo. (WARNING: This video may not be appropriate for all classes although I think it's harmless)

Click below for full text.

It's time for Buffed (in good shape), Beautiful, and *Bitchin' the at-home workout with Vera de Milo.

*about 10 years ago, young people said bitchin' to mean "cool"

Hi, I'm Vera De Milo and thanks for tuning in. You know, before I learned how to exercise properly, I was a poor excuse for a woman. Just look at those **unsightly lumps of lard protruding from my sternum.
unsightly = ugly
lumps = bumps
lard = fat
protruding = sticking out
sternum = chest bone
In other words, Look at how ugly I was when I had breasts

I was so weak and frail back then, I couldn't even tear a telephone book in half. But I made that change and you can too. So let's get busy burning off those bothersome bazoobs (funny and cute way to say breasts)
Girls, are you ready? Alrighty! Let's start with a stretch. And...down.
Ok, now you try. See how those big breasts just weigh them down. You can't float until you get rid of those "sinkers".
Now the shoulders. Come on girls. Oh yeah, that's right. Now this way, just pull it. And pull it, really pull it. Oh! Wow! That's gonna be sore in the morning but it hurts so good. And you know what they say, "No pain, no gain".

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