California Weather

Have you ever been to Southern California? It rains and the houses fall down. It's not like the roof caves in and the windows break, the whole house. Two inches of rain...nothing left. And they don't understand why this happens. In California they figure here's a cliff, let's build a house right there. They don't understand why it fell. If you can look over the edge and go, "Wow! It would suck if this fell." It will. Then they build a house at the bottom of the cliff, "Wow! It would suck if that came down." Buy a helmet.

You see, we've got 4 boring seasons on the East Coast: winter, spring, summer, and fall. Have you ever been to California? Wind, fire, mud, and earthquakes. First it's very windy for a long time and it dries everything out. Then some idiot throws a cigarette out the window onto the freeway and half the state catches on fire; that the change of seasons. Then the rain comes along and puts out the fire, but it stays too long and then you come home and there's 4 feet of mud in your kitchen...and it's 35 miles from the living room.

People get stuck in floods in their car. How do you get stuck in a flood in your car? Here's a hint: the car in front of you is floating? Reverse! In the town I lived in people in a supermarket parking lot had to be resued in 4 feet of water. You know who needs to be rescued in 4 feet of water? People 3 feet 11 (inches) and shorter. I saw a guy carrying a Rottweiller. Have you ever seen a Rottweiller? The Tyrannosaurus Rex of dogs. The guy is walking in water up to his knees carrying 165 pound dog crying , "Somebody, help my dog!" The dog is going, "Put me down moron! Remember the beach, you throw the ball, I swim, I'll bring it back? Same stuff.

Click below to make this joke into your own...

Think about what is unusual or unique about the weather in your hometown and some of the problems that it causes people. Fill in the blanks and see if you can make it funny.

Have you ever been to ______________________? When it (bad weather) __________________ the ____________________(something bad happens). It's not like (small problem) _________________________________, the (serious problem) _______________________________________. (Example of small weather incident: 2 inches of rain) __________________ and (describe the damage) ___________________. And they don't understand why this happens. In (hometown) (example of people being stupid) ___________________________. They don't understand why (example of damage). If you can look at (describe the situation) and go, "Wow! It would suck if this (example of problem)." It will. Then they (example of something even more stupid), "Wow! It would suck if (example of worse problem)." Buy a _____________________(something to protect you).

Have you ever been to Colorado? When it snows the people forget how to drive. It's not like they just go a little slower, they actually don't even know which pedal is for the brake and which is for the gas. . There is an inch of snow on the road and people are sliding around more than at the ski areas. And they don't understand why this happens. In Colorado, they don't understand why it's important to be careful . If you can look over the side of the road and go, "Wow! It would suck if I went too fast around this corner and slid off the road." Then you will. Then the guy behind him slams on his brakes and thinks, "Wow! Maybe it will help if I turn the wheel all the way to the right while I'm sliding ." Buy some skiis. They're safer.
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Small Talk with Barack

A winter storm in America has left millions of people without electricity and has been blamed for at least 20 deaths. Flights into New York's three airports have been delayed and also many businesses have had to close. There is more than a foot of snow on the ground in places and the weather has been given a frosty reception by new president Barack Obama. He joked that Washington can't handle it as well as his old town of Chicago.

"My childrens' school was cancelled today because of...what? Some ice? As my children pointed out, in Chicago, school is never cancelled. In fact, my 7 year-old pointed out that you'd go outside for recess (play time) on a day like this. You wouldn't even stay indoors. So it's uh...I don't know...we're gonna have to try to apply some flinty Chicago toughness to this town. I'm saying that when it comes to the weather, folks in Washington don't seem to be able to handle things. "

So, while the snow and ice should be gone by this spring, the president is hoping that the economic problems in his country thaw out just as quickly.

This is the end of the post.

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