Tired of soccer?

This week is all about Switzerland on elllo. And for all the ladies, here's a few reasons why you might like to spend a vacation here.



Dear Girls,

Why not escape during this summer's world cup to a country where men spend less time on football and more time on you?




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How to Train Your Man to Do Housework

Interviews #957 and #958 about housework are here.





Welcome to Love U. This is like no other university you have been to. You'll actually like the homework. Today's lesson is How to Train Your Man.

Ok so, I know we are supposed to accept people for who they are, but what if you are just trying to turn your man into the best person he can be. Well, that a winning situation and if that just happens to mean turning him into the best person he can be for you, well then my friend that is a win-win situation.

The first step to creating your perfect man: Positive Reinforcement. Everyone likes a pat on the back, so just like you would give your dog a treat, when your man does something good, stroke his ego and watch that behavior replicate.

"Honey, did you just put a sock in the laundry? Way to go!"

"Baby? I'm doing the other one right now. Honey?"

The next step to molding your perfect mate: Manipulate His Environment
Make sure that your man is hanging out with married men. Husbands are pre-trained and they should serve as positive role models.

"Dude, I love the color you guys painted the bathroom."

"Thanks. Carol chose it. It's got a real flair. Hey, you did put the seat down when you were in there, right?"

"Uh, I don't know. Maybe?"

"Ohhh!"

"Oh good God!"

"Must put seat down! Must put seat down!"

STEP #3:
Now what if you simply don't have the patience to train your man over time? Try setting up an Incentive Program. Every time your man does something that you ask, give him a reward. The only difficult thing is figuring out which reward works best.

"Honey, do you think you can clean out the garage today?"

"I don't think I'll have time today babe."

"I'm on it."

"Honey, do you think you can fix the garbage disposal?"

"Can't babe, the game is about to start."

"I'm on it."

"Honey..."

"Whatever it is...yes!"

Well that's it for this edition of Love U. Hopefully we've outlined a behavior modification program that you can use in your everyday life. Soon your man will be perfectly trained and my mission will have been accomplished. I'm Tiffany Smith and thank your for enrolling in Love U.




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You'll grow into her

Enam talks about arranged marriage in Bangledesh on elllo here. Indian-Canadian comedian Russel Peters talks about them below:

Arranged marriage is a big problem in my community man. I mean, it's not so much of a problem...it's a problem if you want it to be a problem. I mean, it's a problem for me, you know.

My parents tried that on me last year, they came up to me and they were like...my mom goes, "Russel, you're getting older now. And you're not married. What if I bring some nice girls home for you?

I go, "Mom, I bring nice girls home all the time. They just leave in the morning, you know. That's a nice girl right there."

She said, "No no, I will pick some girls and you can choose the one you like."

"Look, are you out of your mind?" My mom wanted to pick my wife! I wouldn't let my mom pick my clothes.

Can you imagine my mom walking in with this girl, "I know she's a little big now...but you'll grow into her."

Language Focus:
"You'll grow into her." - Normally, we use this phrase for something like clothing. For example, if a young boy has a shirt that is too big, his mom might say, "Don't worry you'll grow into that shirt." In other words, the boy will get bigger and then the shirt will fit and be just the right size.




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Which is the best of these 10 guys?

Ok girls. Here is a pretend speed date for you. Which of these guys, cartoon guys, is your type?



Ignore the points -- there are no correct answers, but feel free to make comments below about which guys are the best...or which guys are the worst!



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Does this Dress Make Me Look Fat?

This week Michael talks about Basic Training for the army. Here's Basic Gender Training for saying the right thing on a date.



Do I look fat in this dress?
Huh? Uh, I guess you could lose a couple of pounds.
What?
I mean, it's supposed to fit tight, isn't it?
You men are here to learn!
Isn't this a beautiful flower?
It's very nice?
Wrong answer maggot! Now hit the deck and give me ten!

You are lovely, you are sweet
Those are cute shoes on your feet.

How do you like my perfume?
It's you darling. It's you!

Isnt' this a beautiful flower?
Not as beautiful as you, darling!
Much better.

You haven't mentioned how you like my new hairstyle.
It's beauty stole my breath away, sweetheart.
What a sweet thing to say.

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Lending Money to Women

Rated R (Restricted for select audiences):
For strong language and sexual themes

This audio by Chris Rock fits perfectly with the theme this week: "Giving Money". It uses the "F" word which may offend some people but I believe that it is a good example of an a popular American cultural phenomenon (Stand-up Comedy), a sample of African-American slang and dialect, and an interesting visual Mash-up with a Japanese Anime. As a student of English, you need to be able to understand jokes like this, plus all of the "bad words" or else you might be the only one not laughing. If you look at it with those things in mind, it's a very educational video. Most of all, it's just funny.






Never lend money to women! And women never lend money to men! You can not lend money to people you are f#*@ing! 'Cause they think the sex is the payback. I dare any man in here to try and get back some money from some women he slept with. Just attempt it. Just step to it like, "Hey baby, what's up with that $200, you owe me." She'll look at you like, "Excuse me?!! I think I paid you last night. As a matter of fact, you owe me $150. "

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It's a woman's woman's man's world

I'll resist commenting on this version and invite you to comment:

What do you think of Christina's Aguilera's version compared to James Brown's version?


This is the end of the post. For more on a woman's world click here.


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25 years later, it's still a man's man's man's world

Can you believe that he can do it with the same intensity and showmanship 25 years later?


This is the end of the post. Check out interview #897 for more discussion about a man's world here.


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I want to be one

"Loretta" seems like he would sympathize with Katia more than Paul.




I do feel Reg that any anti-imperialist group like ours must reflect such a divergence of interests within its power base.

Agreed. Francis?

Yeah, I think Judith's point of view is very valued Reg, provided the movement never forgets that it is the unalienable right of every man (or woman) to rid himself (or herself), agreed, thank you brother (or sister)

Where was I?

I think you finished.

Oh. Right.

Furthermore, it is the birthright of every man (or woman).

Why don't you shut up about women Stan, you're putting us off.

Women have a perfect right to play a part in our movement Reg.

Why are you always on about women Stan?

I want to be one.

What?

I want to be a woman.

From now on, I want you all to call me Loretta.

What?

It's my right as a man.

But why do you want to be "Loretta", Stan?

I want to have babies.

You want to have babies?

It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.

But...you can't have babies.

Don't you oppress me.

I'm not oppressing you Stan, you haven't got a womb.

Where is the fetus going to gestate? Are you going to keep it in a box?

Wait, I've got an idea. Suppose you agree that he can't actually have babies without having a womb, which is nobody's fault (not even the Romans) but that he can have the right to have babies.

Good idea Judith. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have babies brother...sister, sorry.

What's the point!!??

What?

What the point of fighting for his right to have babies when he can't have babies?

It is symbolic of our struggle against oppression.

Symbolic of his struggle against reality.


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It's a man's man's man's world

I can't imagine how thrilling this song must have been in 1966.

This is a man's world,
This is a man's world,
but it wouldn't be nothing,
Nothing! Without...
a woman or a girl.
You see, man made the cars
to take us over the road.
Man made the train
to carry the heavy load.
Man made the electric light
to take us out of the dark.
Man made the boat for the water
like Noah made the Arc.

This is a man's man's man's world
but it wouldn't mean nothing
without a woman or a girl.

Man thinks about a little bit of baby girls
and of baby boys.
Man makes them happy,
'Cause man makes them toys.
And after man makes everything,
everthing he can,
do you know that man makes money
to buy from other men?

This is a man's world,
but it wouldn't be nothing,
not one little thing
without a woman or a girl.

Oh how! How a man needs a woman.
I sympathize with the man that don't have a woman.
He's lost!
In the wilderness.
He's lost!
In bitterness.
He's lost! Lord! Lord! And lonely...

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